9: People who make, buy or sell a Snuggie

December 30, 2008

God, I fucking hate people who make, buy or sell a Snuggie.

Have you seen these things? They are essentially large fleece blankets with sleeves and a hood that you wear.

That’s right. Blankets. That you wear.

Sometimes in public.

If you haven’t seen the infomercial, it’s either the most hilarious or most disturbing two minutes you’ll spend on this planet. Here, I’ll let you decide:

Now, if you are over the age of 70, and you sit in a chair for over 6 hours a day in a drafty house in the Midwest or the Northwest or the Northeast, and have relatively little to no human contact whatsoever, then I will not judge you for purchasing a Snuggie. If you give the extra one as a gift to a family member or friend who is not as I have described above, I will hunt you down and put your Tuesday meds in the Saturday box. And then I will push you down the stairs.

But, in all honesty, who in THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MIND would either A) think this was a good idea for a product to sell, B) think this was a product good enough to buy, or C) wear this thing in public? Who has negative self-respect to the point that they would want to not only look like a poor wizard in public, but would wittingly and knowingly ask other people to dress like them and GO OUT INTO FUCKING PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE A GODDAMN RETARDED CULT?*

If you bought a Snuggie, please, please, please, PLEASE do me a favor and contact me and tell me your thought process. Seriously. I really want to know if sane, “normal” people out there are buying this thing. So please, if any of you out there have purchased or know the identity of someone who has purchased a Snuggie, e-mail the proprietor of this site.

And then promptly swallow the round, hollow end of a gun.

*Some insults inspired by commenters on the YouTube video.