God, I fucking hate people who wait for a table outside a restaurant and block the sidewalk.
Last Saturday my girlfriend and I went to see Where the Wild Things Are with some friends of ours, another couple. But first we went to brunch.
We decided on Cafe Orlin, a place I had been to before but not in a long time. When we got there we waited a few minutes for a table, and we pushed in and stuck it out at the bar. My girlfriend got a drink, and the rest of us did our best to stay out of the waitstaff’s way. We were seated, and everybody enjoyed their meals.
Then we left.
We had arrived shortly after noon, presumably at the start of the brunch rush. When we left around 1 pm, it was clearly the height of it. Outside, about 15-20 people milled around on the sidewalk on St. Mark’s, the majority of them being hipsters in their early-to-mid 20s. Outside the cafe there’s patio sitting, and a thigh-high black fence runs the length of the tables along the sidewalk, where nobody was sitting because it was too cold.
There was also a large tree by the street across from the cafe’s steps, and it had a stone perimeter. Now, there were a couple people sitting on that, and also five or six people stretched out along the fence. Everybody else? Standing right in the middle of the sidewalk.
GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY. IT’S A SIDEWALK, NOT A SIDESTAND, YOU SHIT-EATING BASTARDS.
Instead of barreling through them, the four of us veered off to the left, toward the street, and walked around them. Sure, I sang a song about morons blocking the sidewalk as I was already past them, but it didn’t satisfy me enough. Would they have moved out of the way if we had tried to plow right through them? I don’t know. I do know that we went around them because THERE WERE A BUNCH OF NO-GOOD SUICIDE CANDIDATES STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN SIDEWALK.
Choke on your poached eggs.