I am you. You are me. We are all assholes.

In our own special way, of course. Every single day every single person does at least one thing that annoys at least one other person. Sometimes it’s something big, like getting drunk at happy hour on $3 well drinks, climbing into that 2003 Toyota Corolla, and running over a beloved dog. Or grandmother. Other times it’s something small, like getting on a fairly empty subway car and walking right over and crowding someone’s personal space for no apparent reason.

Basically, I don’t do any of these things. I’m perfect. But I’m an asshole for writing about it.


16 Responses to I am you. You are me. We are all assholes.

  1. Ludakriss says:

    Finally someone admits da truth. When did you came up with the idea, because all da comments a hilarious (because it’s all true, if not – most of it).

  2. geoff says:

    Running over my grandmother would not annoy me, in fact if it is my partners grandmother you’d be doing me a favor, and while you are at it could you run over a few other people of my choosing! 🙂

  3. T says:

    You are HILLARIOUS! I totally stumbled on this site by pure accident and am wishing there was more to read! I have spent the last hour trying to contain my laughter (at work) and have now developed a tension head ache as a result! Great site–I will definitley be back 🙂

  4. John says:

    Yet another non-New Yorker whiner.. waahhhh.. I hate it when people called Denver omelets this and that.. oh shut up and grow a pair, or better yet, a brain. Maybe we lump together anything that is landlocked in the continental USA, because quite frankly these places all suck. I know, I have lived in enough of these, like at the moment I live here in Idiotnnapolis, Methdiana. Your rants are just angry observations. At least mix comedy with your rants and then it would be amusing, and most of these assholes acts that you point out, they mostly happens in the Midwest, home of the asshole..

  5. anon. says:


  6. Brandon Scrushy says:

    Thanks so much!

    I just wanted to say thank you for the entertainment and the solace I found in knowing I’m not the only intelligent person in this shit hole of a world.

  7. Sean says:

    Nice site. I agree with you, and I’d throw in a post or two on bad spelling and all caps if it were up to me. Other things I hate? John from May 9. What a microdick.

  8. Ben says:

    I can’t help thinking that John from 05/09/2010 is one of those assholes. There’s this phenomenon where when an asshole’s behavior becomes apparent to them, instead of simply ceasing said asshole behavior, they get defensive about it as if they are somehow justified and you’re just a big ol’ meany for not letting them shit on people as they drag their knuckles through life like a fucking dumbass. Try correcting your retarded behavior instead of feeling offended that someone actually had the testicles to point it out.

  9. who needs to know says:

    I fucking hate people who act like they (and their select firends) are the only intelligent people in the world and treat everyone else like sun-human cows. Hmmmm, and yet if I treat them the same way they get upset…wonder why? But honestly, fuck those elisit, arrogent fuck wads.

  10. Kaps says:

    I fucking hate teenagers. I hate every last one of them. With their highly judgmental attitudes and the utter flamboyance with which they post their ignorant opinions for all to see, they are the worst kind of trolling fuckfaces to ever get behind a computer screen. That being said, I am a brony and dam proud of it. I play games on PC and Xbox every now and then with a fairly subtle, pony related name or clan tag and I swear every 5-6 games, I get some little 12 year old fucktard-asshole who sub-textually whines and bitches about how much of a insecure douch-bag he is, and how much he hates me for being different. You know, cause a narrow minded middle schooler is exactly who should be setting the bar on what is and isn’t socially acceptable.
    They will receive all the love and tolerance possible as my fist gives them a full frontal lobotomy.

    p.s. Just stumbled across this site by accident, love it! Keep up the good work.

  11. Another Ranter says:

    I absolutely hate it when coworkers or friends you are working with and splitting money with do not do their fair share of the work and still take half the money. An example is every 20 or 30 fuckin minutes they are gone or take a smoke break for 10-20 minutes minutes while I am there working my ass off for 8-10 dam hours with only one small break. If things need to get done faster for a set amount of money like painting, you should be pushing through and doing your dam fair share. I have had this happen during real jobs and for side jobs like painting houses. Also when people do not do their fair share you are stuck doing more of it, even if it’s a hourly job, you are still expected to get things done in a certain time if you are restocking or something. Everyone has an off day once in a while, but not all the fuckin time. Well guess what those people need to fuckin start doing something and not make other people’s lives harder on us. I have had times where our boss has came up to me and told all of us that we are not taking our job seriously and we are slacking off way too much and getting next to nothing done. I used to have a job at a cleaning company and many of the employees were caught goofing off multiple times every day and even putting streaks on walls a couple of time with the cleaning equipment due to not givin a fuck. My boss came up to me and said everyone has to be let go, quit before you are fired due to your coworkers who don’t know how to do anything other than slack off and vandalize the walls due to negligence. That really sucked and I was mad that this happened. These people need to change for the benefit of the others they are around. Work together and at the same level, and things would be a lot better.

    BTW: This site is awesome, I’m going to keep checking back.

  12. 47x says:

    I fucking hate people too, that includes you.

  13. egemen says:

    A true misanthrope would not just give rants about some meaningless topics. He would stay away, and just live in solitude happily far from the maddening (and discusting crowd). Just sayin’ … And I will do it that way after saving a lot of money.

  14. Nobodyhere says:

    I hate people generally. They annoy me every day. Walking, talking, looking, using their dumb phones. Too slow, too immature, not at all attentive. I hate them so much.

  15. just an idiot pt 2 says:

    this website is the best. now all i wanna do is hide in a basement, and whine like Lucille Ball…. maybe the author could give me some hints?

  16. Jenni says:

    Suffering from a recurring and soul-sucking case of insomnia and came across this site during a google search of something like why are Americans so ignorant- yeah I’m not at my most eloquent after 48 hours with no REM- and I have to say that you are fing hilarious. I think my favorite one was about that douchebag commissioner in your friend’s fantasy league, but they’re all pretty much gems. However (and yeah, I prob can guess that you hate people that come on your website and criticize an opinion, but I’m gonna do it anyways bc I’m a little shit), I have to disagree with tour assertion that people who do their grocery shopping at pharmacies are assholes. On behalf of stoners/former stoners everywhere, and gathering that you’re from Denver so people like me likely exist in droves, there is nothing worse than tying one on Bob Marley style at 2am and then realizing there is fucking nothing in your fridge/pantry/roommate’s-stash-of-goodies-hidden-purposefully-from-the-likes-of-you, and no 24 hour grocery store within a 5 mile radius (800 meter radius if you’re on foot). God loves pot, and the fact that groceries are available in these convenient little blessings we call pharmacies is proof. Anyways, please continue to update, if but anything for my completely egotistical desire to derive some form of pleasure from this hell which is my sleepless existence.

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