26: People who preemptive honk

God, I fucking hate people who preemptive honk.

This isn’t about people who honk at you at a red light the nanosecond it turns green. No, these are the ones that, if you’re driving and you’re at a stop sign, easing out because cars are parked all along the street and you can’t see the oncoming traffic from either direction, you slowly edge yourself out, right? It’s all you can do. You can’t see through tangible matter. You’re not fucking Superman.

So here comes Superasshole, cruising perpendicularly. He sees you. Creeping. Invading his territory. So what does he do? beepbeep. A couple of quick lovetap honks. “I’m here, motherfucker. And I’m coming. Beware me.”


Worse, however – far worse – is when you’re walking. Yeah, man, I know I’ve got my headphones on. And, yes – my ears are weird and the iPod buds don’t fit in them, so I have to rock the over-the-ear Sonys. It’s what I do, how I roll. You know what else I do? ARM MYSELF WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF MY SURROUNDINGS, PARTICULARLY – AND ESPECIALLY – WHEN IT INVOLVES GIGANTIC, MOVING MASSES OF METAL THAT CAN CRUSH OR HARM ME.

I’m an adult, for chrissake. You think I just walk wherever the fuck I want without reaping the consequences? I look where I’m going, and what’s coming at me. Are you compelled to honk because you’re concerned for my safety?


You do it because you don’t want your shit fucked up. What if you clipped a car, or worse, a person? You’d have to maybe, possibly, like, stop and stuff. And that would be awful! So, no, you’ll just honk. Preemptively. Like an idiot.

Next time, just hit the person. They deserve it. Especially these little shits who cross the street like they own it. They’re daring you, man. Don’t honk – smack those little bastards like you’re in bumper cars at Six Flags.

Then honk at their funeral. That would be great.


20 Responses to 26: People who preemptive honk

  1. Sharon Gonzalez says:

    If that were me, I’d hit you !

  2. BLAH says:

    fuck ofF ya Twat!!!!

  3. David says:

    Wow, India was insane. They preemptive honk every chance they get. I love the humor. I fucking love you.

  4. Amy says:

    I think I am in fucking love with you.

  5. h8r8r says:

    beijing too. no horn, no go. what i hate
    more in china and in india—why did they fucking bother to paint lane lines on the roads? horns help make 7 lanes outta, so what the shit?

  6. PDXOutdoors says:

    I agree about the Darwinian treatment of what I call “bear snacks,” that is, pedestrians who can’t be bothered to be at all aware of their surroundings or how they’re impeding the proper and efficient flow of others, be they in cars or otherwise.

    I don’t agree, however, at all, that there is anything wrong with a warning honk when someone is pulling blind into a thoroughfare. Nothing gives them (you) the right to just pull out blind and stop/endanger traffic. I know you can’t see. I hate the big trucks that park on my block and make it impossible for anyone not in a semi truck to see cars coming, but that still doesn’t mean that when I just fuck-it-and-gun-it that I’m in the right. I’ll be at fault when the accident finally does occur. I’ll also be stoked if someone warns me they’re coming and I thus don’t pull out into their path. This could be the single most practical and prescriptive use of a car horn possible.

  7. Bonerface says:

    Fuck you, stop eating shit. I hate you so much. If you were anywhere near me I would mess with you just to make you miserable so that you would bitch more. This would create a horrible cycle where I would torture you more and more until finally you made the realization that your life isn’t that bad and you moved the fuck on. Bitch Cheese Weiner.

  8. Kitty Purrs says:

    It is likely that pre-emptive horn blowers are also premature ejaculators and likely insurance salesmen. Often they can be classed into groups based upon the vehicle driven and the own the road factor – Mercedes, BMV – high probability of both premature ejaculator and pre-emptive honker,,, juat sayin

  9. myke bulvai says:

    i like your blog, but youre probably a fucking asshole like most people. I fucking hate your blog title though what the fuck is it with “GOD”??? fuck god, god is more shit than people. Infact god is the bacteria found in the most vile person’s driest filthiest lump of shit. Anyway… go fuck yourself.

  10. Kitty Purrs says:

    myke bulvai – when one is a vile filthy lump of shit, it is certain one can recognize one’s own kind. How fortunate are you who will clearly be able to to recognize the asshole of He who created the bacteria that shall break your vile filth down so that you may nourish the earth once more?

  11. Russ says:

    spit out your boyfrinds cock and drive asshole

  12. Vagface says:

    Haha I love this!

  13. Ballsack says:

    Go suck a dick

  14. beverly says:

    Capitalist society is a breeding ground for narcissism. We reward it. You can get to the top of politics, law, the corporate world etc etc without being a ruthless self absorbed arsehole. Thats how it is sadly. The leaders of the world are sociopaths and psychopaths and so I guess theres a trickle down effect.

  15. beverly says:

    Capitalist society is a breeding ground for narcissism. We reward it. You cannot get to the top of politics, law, the corporate world etc etc without being a ruthless self absorbed arsehole. Thats how it is sadly. The leaders of the world are sociopaths and psychopaths and so I guess theres a trickle down effect.

  16. martin price says:

    I totally agree. People are pieces of shit. They do all kinds of stuff like this. In the grocery line, at home with the kids, out in traffic. It doesn’t matter. Expect the worse out of people because that’s most likely what you will get. Because people are shit.

  17. effyou says:

    People are shit and you are a person so you are therefore shit.

  18. Highwayrob says:

    your example of people that have right of way honking to indicate they are coming is for yours and their safety. As you mentioned yourself, you couldnt see them (because your seat is behind the engine)but they can see you, as you are in line of path, he did what is expected of him and you are complaining.
    you’re a fucking moron that should be shot

  19. ryan says:

    He just beeped his horn to warn you of his presence. That is precisely what horns are meant to be used for. The fact you took it personally, as if it’s done to attack you in some way, is absurdly paranoid.

  20. author- you’re a fucking whining, entitled infant. an ounce of prevention is worth a planet-full of your narcissistic bullshit. here’s to you getting that final DUI

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