24: People who don’t help the cashier bag their groceries

God, I fucking hate people who don’t help the cashier bag their groceries.

Now, in theory this only applies to people shopping in big cities. Many grocery stores in suburban areas have baggers, those oh-so-cheery pimply teenagers who are just waiting to go on cart duty so they can get the fuck outside and sneak a cigarette or lightly dent the fender of that bitch’s Lexus.

But I live in Queens, so I’m talking about your Key Foods and your Associated Markets and – for you rich assholes with jobs who can afford to live in Manhattan – your Gristedes … es. These places have a dozen lines, any six of which might actually be open at once, manned by high schoolers or elderly Iranian women. The conveyor belts are all of two feet long (and they all have that separator stick to mock you, as if you could fit your food on that rubberized postage stamp while the person ahead of you still has that family-sized package of chicken quarters on it), and the stainless steel area next to the plastic bags where the groceries accumulate after being scanned can comfortably handle a box of cereal, two yogurts and a thing of Ziploc bags.

Mainly, though, there are no baggers.

Short tangent: yes, there is the self-checkout automaton area. In my grocery store, one of these four always – ALWAYS – has a plastic bag over it, meaning it is temprorarily out of order. You can’t go there if you have beer, because the high school kid with the little card is talking to his buddy 20 feet away. And if you want to try to save the planet and use a canvas bag, you have to do an Indiana Jones switch to put it on the sensor with a product in it so that it doesn’t say, in that creepily stern subway-like female voice, “the weight is incorrect. Please remove the last item.” It’s an eighth of an ounce, you fucking whore! What are you, a drug dealer? Goddamn self-checkout. Way to shed costs, grocery stores.

But I digress. Anyways, when you’re in one of these stores, there will inevitably be long lines. It is my simple theory that these lines would invariably be shorter if people stopped being condescending pricks and just helped out.

The other day I was in line behind a woman with a cart about half full. She was standing behind her cart, which takes up the entire space between the register you’re at and the one next to you. Also, there’s only a small aisle at the end of the registers for people to walk through toward the exits. So, this lady unloads her cart, watches the cashier scan everything, watches the cashier bag everything, then hands the cashier her EBT card, which took more swiping/signing than a regular credit/debit card (I don’t know why; I had never seen somebody use one before). It felt like this process took five whole minutes. It might’ve been longer.

What could she have done? 1) Unload the cart. 2) Push cart out to end aisle, get on the other side of it, push it back into the line in front of me. 3) Help bag groceries. 4) Give cashier the card once she’s done scanning everything. 5) Finish bagging groceries. 6) Sign any necessary papers/receipts. (And if you choose debit over credit, simply step back for a second and enter your PIN. Five. Fucking. Seconds.)

I’m confident this would’ve cut the time in half. The best part is, when I walked into the store, I remembered seeing an elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair in the produce section. After I had paid and was walking out – where I had entered, mind you – the lady in front of me was talking to said elderly woman, who appeared to be her mother.

So, to recap: a woman on welfare thought it was beneath her to help a cashier making probably barely above minimum wage bag the groceries she just fucking bought, even when doing so would’ve meant less time her elderly mother spent alone, in produce, staring at the bananas and an endcap of assorted nuts and fruit juices.

And if you think it’s solely the cashier’s job to bag all of your groceries, you are a heartless fucking prick and you’d want to shoot someone in the mouth if you were a cashier and they stood there and watched you bag their groceries instead of helping you, all the while looking down at you like you were a child molester cleaning public toilets.

Photo courtesy of the Denver Post and an example of someone not likely to help bag their own groceries
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15 Responses to 24: People who don’t help the cashier bag their groceries

  1. enril says:

    Oh.. there are bags placed on shopper’s side, they are there just for them; But this woman had her bottle right there next to her (and where the bags were) and yelled to have it bagged and just waited there until it was done.
    And this idiot just watched his 20+ pepsi bottles scan and accumulate while standing right next to the courtesy bags, watched them being bagged, and then after, shook his head saying they’re supposed to be doubled-bagged. Everyone behind him, of course, did not blame HIM for the slowness. That was a line of idiotic dickheads.

    I think everyone can agree. Those kinds of people have shitty lives and they want respect from a cashier, but they will never get any, really! ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a nice day.

  2. Paul Wynn says:

    Amen to that. I work as a grocery store clerk and I don’t mind it much but at least put the bags in your cart. Don’t make me walk around and do everything!

  3. HOLD UP! I am a cashier and I HATE when people help me bag, call me an idiot but people are too slow and I am VERY OCD about how I bag. Customers who “help” are really just in my way, this is my job, it may not be the best, but I am good at it and I know what I am doing. The sooner the customer is gone, the better.

    Yes, I am an asshole, I need to quit before I have a heart attack ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Jack Fucking Daniels says:

    Awesome article, spot on. Fuck those lazy, fat douchebags that just stare at the cashiers like they owe them something. Who do people think they are, honestly? Cashiers aren’t goddamn robots, and the customers are, more often than not, very selfish about everything.

  5. GOOFY says:

    Its their fucking job. If every fat lazy fuck helped pack their own shit there would be less work for the cashiers, who are obviously in need of the fucking job if their willing to waste their life away helping out cunts like you.

  6. PDXOutdoors says:

    “It is my simple theory that these lines would invariably be shorter if people stopped being condescending pricks and just helped out.”

    This is so the root of SO many problems with society.

    A – Fucking – Men

    …you smug bastard. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. iabanon says:

    i know this is an old post, but in australia then cashier bags. it’s easier and faster for them to do it. plus we couldn’t reach over to where the bags are placed anyway. we do of course place the bags in trolleys ourselves. i really don’t understand why you guys have ‘baggers’ anyway. utterly useless and superfluous job.

  8. Kitty Purrs says:

    I fucking love you and the things you hate.

  9. john smith says:

    Are you serious dude. Most people put the bags in their cart. There is no way in fucking hell I will bag groceries. Has anyone ever bagged groceries or seen ANYONE do this. What the fuck are you talking about? You need some help man! Seriously. Do you go to a shrink?

  10. Trish says:

    I bag my own !!!! and I help the baggers bag them too… whats the problem with folks they think minimum wage workers should kiss there lily white asses>? oh i am lily white also … even red headed but i will bag my own shit and correctly even.

  11. Ann says:

    after putting all the stuff up from the shopping cart after shopping ,and $$$ spent I think it should be the cashier’s job to put the bags in the cart , I know it used to be years ago, if I wanted to do it all I would go to the self-check out ! I feel so rushed because i am still loading up to the checkout sometimes and then if you have a store program to enter your #’s and pin in the small space they give it all takes time and don’t for get if it is a full cart you have to unload the cart to the car and then again at home …I just think people should give the customer a little friendly service !!!! Hate it when you don’t even have all your stuff moved to the cart and they start the next guys order …. !!!!!

  12. Yeah, and maybe at a restaurant, customers should go into the kitchen to get their food to help out waiters, or maybe patients should help the doctor operate on themselves, too!

  13. J-Dubbs says:

    omg. I love your blog. Now, when I come home from running errands/going for a bike ride/spending any time out in the word I will read your wonderful rants and just laugh out loud agreeing giddily with you rather than angrily stewing about humanity. Thank you.

  14. Kathy says:

    Everyone should help bag their own groceries. It’s not the cashiers job its the baggers.

  15. M0J4 says:

    Many cashiers ask nosey questions and tell you things you don’t care to hear about, like personal details about themselves. And it almost never fails that they’ll scrutinize your purchases and stop and read the labels, then ask you questions about the product, as if you know all about it, and then grill you some more on an item. If you buy several of the same items, they’ll be sure to inquire why you’re purchasing “so many”, as if you owed them any explanation. Now I use self-checkout nearly all of the time just to avoid the idle shit chat. If I wanted to talk….well, I don’t

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