21: People who hang out at the OTB

God, I fucking hate people who hang out at the OTB.

Hey, guys – notice who’s not there?




Holy Secretariat’s nutsack, people. Look at yourselves. Your faces look like weathered baseball mitts and Jack O’Lanterns in late November. The average age inside any OTB is somewhere between 59 and deathbed. When I walk by the OTB in my neighborhood, to do something productive like drop a Netflix in the mailbox or buy some scotch, I have to wade through a sea of depleted humanity that’s like swimming against a tidal wave. Why are there so many of you? How do you organize? Do you really think that trifecta at Pimlico is going to come through? When did you go from looking at the actual numbers to just picking horses by name? 1989? 1990? You are failing. It’s not working. It’s fun when you have money to waste on a horse because the name reminds you of your ex-wife, and you have plenty of scratch to blow. But when it’s your unemployment check? You should save the money you’re going to burn and walk down the street a few steps. Buy a sandwich and some coffee, and maybe a paper. Look at the job listings. Good fucking lord.

There was a 30 for 30 documentary on ESPN recently about Jimmy the Greek. Aside from his football prognostications, he was quite the pony player. But at some point, he basically says that anybody who thinks they have a system to win at the track is lying, because it’s too unpredictable.

Does that make any sense? Does that hit home? A guy named JIMMY THE FUCKING GREEK, who was so good at predicting the outcome of future endeavors that CBS hired him and PUT HIM ON TV EVERY GODDAMN SUNDAY TO TALK ABOUT THE COUNTRY’S MOST POPULAR SPORT WITH A FORMER MISS AMERICA, BASED MOSTLY ON THE FACT THAT HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO GET AWAY WITH A NAME LIKE ‘JIMMY THE GREEK,’ said flat-out that playing the ponies is a pointless pursuit.

But it’s addicting. Sure, I get that. I imbibe in many addictive activities. But let’s look at your company: see any members of the opposite sex around? When was the last time a woman with an address and a checking account wandered into the OTB? I’m going to say … never.

I know you don’t have many options. Some sort of big payday seems enticing. Fine. But you’re not playing the odds – the odds are playing you.

Wait, I take that back – the odds are fucking you in the ass.


5 Responses to 21: People who hang out at the OTB

  1. Belinda says:

    I fucking hate you too but i love this blog.

  2. Though I agree with 9 outta 10 of your gripes; you sound like a whining little bitch with the way you write it. Most importantly however, & the reason I’m commenting, is to educate you on a well kept obscure little secret….
    Men who are NOT pathetic, go places women are specifically NOT located! For no other reason than to enjoy their absolute ABSENCE!!!!! Clue up!
    Anytime I pass a breeder-free location, I am forced beyond reason to instantly STOP & enjoy the moment.
    Boys who lead hollow lives & judge their existence based on whether they are balls-deep in some gabbing soul tainter, specifically seek out venues containing worthless women!
    A truth beyond truths is that Earth wouldn’t be half the shithole it IS, if we all woke up tomorrow to find every bleeder mysteriously missing from the face of the planet! Oh, and a super perk to that would be the sudden LACK OF NEED for brain decaying feces like Sex in the City ,Desperate Housewives,Lost, or [fill in the blank] to exist EVER AGAIN! Just think of the forests instantly saved when the need to murder trees in order to make tampons vanishes! Eureka.
    Most of the dumb shit we hate is caused by,fueled by, or directly related to, the inept mentality of the useless gender that exists for ZERO purpose other than to vaginally shit more assholes into the world to justify their own existence. Again I say, clue up!

  3. Beer Goggins says:

    Wow … Hate women much? I find it sad that while you’re attacking the writer for pissing on men who avoid women, you’ve completely generalized all women into a single category … a very angry, bitter category at that. Did someone touch you in a bad place once?

  4. TheTruthKnows says:

    Now that there are so many women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, and very picky, really speaks for itself since many of these women today are really such Losers.

  5. M0J4 says:

    Alexander, you ain’t too great, you clueless man, you.

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