14: People who overreact to public health scares

April 29, 2009

God, I fucking hate people who overreact to public health scares.

Now, I understand people in ground zero of an infectious disease taking the necessary precautions. But that’s not what I’m talking about.

“Oh no, there’s swine flu in Mexico! That means I – 2,000 miles away – should hide behind this flimsy oxygen mask or, better yet, this handkerchief tied loosely around my face. That will surely stop the germs!”

Outbreaks happen, and people die. It’s been happening for years, and it will continue to happen. God forbid something crops up every now and then to remind us how fragile we, the civilized world, really are. “But surely this bottle of Purell hand sanitizer will save me the terrible fate suffered by those poor, unwashed masses in Africa, Latin America, South America,  and Southeast Asia!”

No. It won’t. If you’re meant to get [insert animal here] flu, you will. And you will suffer greatly, hopefully live and in primetime.

Speaking of, the CDC has just put out a list of possible new strains of the virus:

  • Manatee flu
  • Badger flu
  • Great Blue Heron flu
  • Earthworm flu
  • Flea flu
  • Fly flu
  • Duck flu
  • Cock flu (aka Chicken flu)
  • Glenn Beck flu
  • X-Men Origins: Wolverine flu
  • Susan Boyle flu

Prepare accordingly.